Sorry ya'll

Salaam everyone. So I want to apologize for my lack of posts of substance. My life is consumed right now with staying alive. I had another surgery yesterday and had a semi-permanent access placed in my thigh. It's very very painful alhamdulillah and it's hard to get around.

However, for the first time in 3 weeks, I dialyzed completely. Alhamdulillah! I had been getting very sick from all the toxins building up so insha'Allah this SIXTH access will work and I can concentrate . on getting better again.

Alhamdulillah I have had around 17 people offer to be tested. Some complete strangers AND get this, non-Muslim. Subhanallah how Allah moves people! So I don't wanna hear from anyone, myself included, that America anti-Muslim. Yes, our government has policies in place that definitely support Islamaphobia but that does not reflect the feelings of most people on an individual level.

Anyway I have had thoughts for interesting posts but to be honest, I just don't have the energy. So bear with me and insha'Allah better days are coming. :-)

Oh alhamdulillah a friend gave Aaminah a kitten. This has been her heart's desire for a year and I just wanted to let her have something to make her happier. It's hard on her, having a sick mama and she is so excited to have him. Let me introduce Maximus the Catticus, or Max for short. :-)

He's a Maine Coon and can grow to 25 lbs subhanallah!

He's very active but I can't get pictures of that hence 2 pics lying down. :-)

Ma salaama ya'll!

Looking for a kidney donor i'A

Salaam ya'll. So I am officially looking for a living kidney donor now. My last transplant was from a living, un-related donor so this isn't anything new for me. I am going to list the criteria below. I do ask that you live in the US or in a visa-waiver country. The initial work-up is a simple blood test to check for blood type compatibility. I am B+ so another B+ or an O+ donor is what I am looking for.

Below is a link to some common Q & A about living kidney donation. As a reminder, Allah tells us in the Qur'an (5:32) that if we save the life of one, it is as if we have saved all of mankind.

http://www.utmedicalcenter.org/departments/center-for-transplant-services/faqs/#donation

If anyone feels they would sincerely be interested in giving me the "gift of life" contact me via my blog and I'll add you to the (hopefully growing) list of those interested. I am very sick sisters and it's difficult for me to take care of my daily responsibilities.

JAK,

UofA

New look?

Salaam ya'll. I really wanna change the look of my blog. Please, any of you with some good websites for free blogger templates, hit me up. I like this one but it's just getting a little old. I've done pyzam.com before but really want something more individualized. I wish I had Mama Mona's mad skillz but alas, I don't so I'm stuck with a bit of ready-made magic.

Let me know, ya'll. Ma salaama!

P.S. Probably gonna be going to the hospital today because my access, that I just got last week, isn't working. We'll see. :-)

Nothing but quickies :-)

Salaam ya'll. So I had my surgery on Wednesday. My new access is barely working. Alhamdulillah. I am only running at 160 cc per minute instead of 350 cc per minute. That means only half the volume of blood is being cleaned. Alhamdulillah I still have some residual function but it's not fun, sisters. Loads of swelling, tiredness, nausea... all part and parcel with end stage renal failure. At treatment today I had 3.2 kg (over 6 pounds!) of excess fluid pulled off. AND I still make urine, Crazy. Crazy.

Good news is I'm still just Jeanna, same ole me. I tend to be happier than sad and get over disappointments quickly. Right now I'm really trying to focus on getting better, taking care of myself and Aaminah and learning how to accept help. I've always been independent and it's hard for me to say, hey can't do it. But I'm learning pretty quickly. :-) For example, I was so depleted after treatment today, I let Aaminah stay with the friend who watched her during dialysis. She loves playing with the kids there and if I brought her home, I would have sat on the chair, drifting in and out of sleep, and she would have been left to her own devices, largely. So alhamdulillah I have such good friends and family who can help out in my times of need. It's such a comfort.

I have some advice, sisters. Anytime you feel overwhelmed by your circumstances/choices/life just take a minute. We know, as Muslims, we are never alone but our Creator made us to crave companionship and love in this dunya. Most of us have at least a few people who love and sustain us. So just take a moment, when the situation seems insurmountable, and think about how truly hard your life would be without those people/that person. There are some people who are truly alone in this life. I wouldn't know what to do sisters. I am so grateful for all my beautiful friends, sisters, and family.

Ma salaama

P.S. Oh I have to go back to the hospital next Wed. and stay overnight. I'm having a contrast dye ct scan to look at the sorry state of my vasculature. Because my kidney is so fragile right now, I have to take a special medicine before and after, as well as do an extra dialysis treatment, in order to try and protect my transplant. Then they can decide on what type of permanent access to place. My veins just aren't co-operating and it's getting to be a big issue. Please pray for me, sister. JAK

And, yet again...

Salaam ya'll. Just got home from ANOTHER unexpected surgery. Alhamdulillah. My dialysis access wasn't working properly. Again. So off to the hospital, they pulled my old tubes and inserted new ones. I hurt but wanted to quickly sit down and let ya'll know.

Alright, time to take a rest. I'm tired, haven't been dialyzing well and my body is paying the price. I pray everyone is well and in high iman, please keep me in your dua. :-)
Ma salaama...

The last word

Salaam ya'll. I removed the Chip-in because, while I do not feel I did anything wrong Islamically, I simply do not like controversy or conflict. It has obviously caused some people to look at my lifestyle and make assumptions about me that are untrue. While it annoys me it mostly hurts me. I know my heart, I know I try to be a good person, a good Muslim. I am not a money-hungry beggar and if having that little box on the side of my blog causes people to think that about me, well I'd rather remove it. Subhanallah, so not worth it.

It's funny, when Cap'n reminded me of the evil eye and haters, I was shocked. I just always assume everyone who reads my blog loves me. LOL No honestly. It always surprises me (and I am not saying ANY of the sisters who commented negatively hate me) that there are people who will read and follow a blog just to revel in any misfortune or to hate when something good happens. Please, let me reiterate, I am not saying this in regards to a specific person, this is just something that came up in conversation between myself and Cap'n.

He requested I stop sharing so much personal information. I never saw the harm in showing some photos of my home, in sharing when I found a really good price on used furniture, or talking about my children's accomplishments. I naievely assumed everyone would be saying "masha'Allah!" and well, just be happy for me. As proof, he pointed to this recent issue with the donation site. He said no one can see how hard life is for me day to day all they see is my happy smiling face, my beautiful, handsome intelligent children, and a blessed life. Guess it's a good thing I don't talk about Cap'n a lot or show his photo; talk about some haters then! ;-) lol

In my culture (southern U.S.) we love to hear about the good someone has experienced. Whether it's a promotion, a raise, a great deal at a yard sale... we are happy for our neighbor. Cap'n reminded me not everyone is like that I should be careful and not share too much of my life, of the good in it because of those who will hate and envy.


In the Name of Allaah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful: "Say: 'I seek refuge in the Lord of daybreak. From the evil of that which He created. And from the evil of darkness when it settles. And from the evil of the blowers in knots. And from the evil of an envier when he envies.'" [Quran 113:1-5]


OK I need to go. I had surgery last week to replace a dialysis tube and now I have to have a vein mapping procedure so they can decide where to put a permanent access. This is one of my least favorite surgeries but it's necessary alhamdulillah. Please make dua for me and my life sisters.

Masalaama ya'll...

Be Kind

Salaam ya'll. I got a very mean-spirited comment on my post about the chip-in site ANOTHER SISTER started for me. I want to share it because I do feel I should address it:

"It is haram for a Muslim to beg money from others without dire necessity, thus losing his/her honor and dignity. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "A person keeps on begging until he meets Allah (on the Day of Resurrection) with no flesh on his face." (Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim) Islam considers begging a hateful act. It forbids it except in dire necessity. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) dispraised begging and warned against it in many Hadith. Al Bukhari and Muslim reported from Abdullah Ibn Umar (Radiya Allahu Anhu) that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: "The person keeps on begging until he comes on the Day of Resurrection with a face without any bit of flesh." It seems that you are being provided my the welfare system of your country, even your health care is free. Why are you begging if you have enough to live? Sarah on Chip-in site started by a friend"

Sister, I am not begging. Another sister (as clearly stated before) started this for me. I did post it on my blog. After a lot of thought and mostly because of people who would think as you do.

I have no money. I have applied for disability but it has not came through yet. I cannot afford the gas to drive my car to my life-saving dialysis treatments. Is that poor enough for you? I cannot buy my daughter clothing or shampoo or supplies for school. Does that qualify in your eyes? I am unable to change the oil in my car or repair it or pay my phone bill or utilities. I have $23.57 in my bank account. Perhaps that seems luxurious; I am sure it does to many in the world.

However, there is a thing called "urf". Forgive me if I am mis-spelling it. Meaning we all live within the cultural norms and parameters of the society where we reside. It is normal for me to have running water and electricity. It is normal for me to be able to wash my clothing and maintain my home's cleanliness. It is normal and customary for me to provide my daughter with more than a blanket wrapped around her to hide her nakedness. Yes that was dramatic but I'll be honest, I'm pretty hurt right now and puzzled.

I am not sure why you felt the need to leave that comment. We are told to make seventy excuses for our brother/sister, not judge the hell out of them. I've been guilty myself but usually, ALHAMDULILLAH, I stopped myself before making my sister feel bad and myself worse.

I am going to assume you did this out of care for me, as your sister in Islam. However, the rather witchy tone you used at the end when you queried, "Why are you begging if you have enough to live?" doesn't seem very charitable, sister.

Not at all.

Ma salaama ya'll.